Spoiled Childhood, part three - Less IS More

One of the biggest mistakes I made as a parent to young children was buying my daughters their second American Girl Dolls. Not the first ones, mind you, though they did cost over $80 apiece. But the second ones. I'll explain.

When Emily was five, almost six, she discovered American Girl dolls and books. Unfortunately for her, it was right after Christmas and I don't believe in giving children something just because they want it. In our home we wait for a special occasion, partly because it adds to the magic of that occasion and partly because I have a great respect for the value of anticipation. I know that makes me somewhat of an oddity in today's "I want it when I want it" culture but I think I've already established that I'm in rebellion against that culture, haven't I?

So Emily and her younger sister Elizabeth, who immediately caught the American Girl bug also, had eleven months to anticipate the possibility that Santa would bring these lovely dolls to them. In the meantime we read all the books and pored over the catalogs which appeared in our mailbox monthly. At the time there were five dolls available and it was tough to decide which ones the girls liked most but eventually choices were made - Emily wanted Kirsten, the Swedish immigrant pioneer girl, and Elizabeth want Felicity, the colonial girl who was caught up in the events of the American Revolution.

Christmas finally came and it was a delight to watch my girls hug their Kirsten and Felicity dolls for the first time. From then on the girls and their dolls were inseparable - they played, they ate and they slept together. The dolls even looked like their human friends - Elizabeth and Felicity both had long red hair and Emily started wearing her long blond hair in looped braids like Kirsten's. I made Emily a pioneer outfit just like Kirsten's so she could portray her for a special book event at school. It was the kind of special girl/doll relationship that many a mom remembers having with her own Raggedy Ann or Wetsy Betsy or, in my case, Miss Peep.

But then we succumbed to the siren song of a society that is fueled by consumerism - if one American Girl doll is good, two will be even better!

Oh how wrong we were. Samantha and Molly joined the family and things were never the same, between them and their girls or between the girls and their first dolls. Suddenly Emily's and Elizabeth's attention was divided between two dolls and rather than try to make a choice or bring both along, both started being left behind. Four dolls were okay when it was time for some make-believe play with the doll furniture and wardrobes we had acquired but when it comes to love it seems little girls have only enough space in their hearts for one special doll. I wonder now if girls and dolls are more about learning to be wives than mothers.

I'm embarrassed to admit that the American Girl collection did not stop there - eventually Josefina and Kit also joined the family. Today, of course, they sit on shelves in teenage girls' room, decorations and reminders of girlhood past. The only comfort in having so many of these dolls is that both girls hope to have little girls of their own someday to whom they can give these dolls. I've already shared with them these observation of which I now write and hope they take them to heart. One American Girl per American girl, please!

We've all done it though, haven't we? We get caught up in the thinking that if one is good, two is better and three or four is great! Then we spend the rest of our lives reading articles in women's magazine about organizing our homes and getting rid of clutter. The more I read these articles the more I think the most important piece of advice is too often absent. That is: Don't buy so much stuff in the first place!

If I could go back and do parenting again, a theme I often return to in my mental ramblings, I would concentrate on quality over quantity when it comes to toys and even books. I once saw a family of kids have so much fun with a set of big wooden blocks - they created stores and houses and really used their imaginations. My own kids loved their smaller blocks and built many a wonderful structure with them, so I wish that instead of buying the latest cheap plastic robot or other trendy piece of junk we had put our money into a couple of sets of those big blocks. They were expensive but we would still have them because they are the kind of toy you save for your grandkids. Meanwhile, Megatron and the Barbie makeover head found their way to the dump many years hence.

As for books, I would not buy so many cheap paperbacks, especially of silly series like Goosebumps or The Babysitter's Club. Those are the kinds of books that should only be borrowed, or maybe acquired for ten cents apiece at garage sales. My book money would go into hardcover editions of classics like the Little House books, the Chronicles of Narnia and the Anne of Green Gables series. Those are the books we can read over and over, together and apart. And they're the books that I'll someday enjoy reading to my grandkids. I certainly can't say that for any of the Goosebumps books.

Our affluent society would do well to remember that when it comes to material items, less really is more. If nothing else, the time we save in cleaning up and organizing all this stuff is time we can spend talking to and teaching and loving our kids. And when it comes to talking, teaching and loving children, more IS more.